Our Youth Peer Educators were asked: If you have had sex, why did you have sex? Peer Pressure? The “right time”? The heat of the moment? If you have not had sex or currently abstaining, are you faced with any peer pressure to have sex?
What do you think about their experiences?
When I lost my “V” card I was 13 years old and at that moment I thought I was in love and that I had found “the one”. But who was I kidding? The guy was older than me and had a girlfriend. I was a naïve little girl who thought she knew what she was doing, sigh, boy was I wrong. The first time he mentioned us having sex, oh gosh, it made me feel uncomfortable and unsure if I should do it, but now I understand the saying “curiosity killed the cat”. I was curious to know how sex felt like even though I knew he had a girlfriend. I’ve heard stories about your first time and how it hurts but I can’t say that was my case. The first time I had sex well it felt energizing, it was an electric current running throughout my body; soon afterwards sex became my addiction. For five years I was addicted to sex but now it has been a year and I’ve been good. It all started with curiosities that lead to an addiction to now not having sex. I have played with fire and dodged many bullets. Now I practice safe sex and lower my risks. I’ve cut down on how many times I would have sex with my partners because sex was becoming a problem. So be safe, think smart, don’t let the heat of the moment cloud your judgment and don’t let curiosity kill the cat.
– C
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I have sex because I like to have sex; however, my first time, I believe, was because of peer pressure. All my brothers and friends were having sex and I felt like if u didn’t have sex with a girl, I wasn’t going to fit in. Even though I kinda knew I was gay 🙂
– R
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When I tell people I’m a virgin, the first thing they do (other than smile and pat me on the back awkwardly) is ask me why. Some assume that it’s because of a conservative religious reason (it’s not), some might believe I’m just not hot enough (let’s not kid ourselves), some assume it’s because of insecurity (maybe), and some think that it’s because I’m socially defective (most likely). The truth is, I’m a virgin because of one very simple reason: I’m hard to impress. When life is filled with banalities and I’m constantly told that sex is one of the most cherished pleasures I’ll ever experience with another person, I kind of want to share that with the person I connect with on the deepest level to get the best experience. As a self-identified demi-sexual, it’s really hard to find that person; although all of my body parts work, I literally have not met a person in real life to whom I am sexually attracted (sorry, Ryan Gosling). I love meeting new people from all over – it’s the best part of my job – but someone who can stimulate me differently is someone I am hard-pressed to find.
Now, am I faced with any peer pressure to have sex? Probably, but if I do I don’t acknowledge it. It slides off. I know who I am and I know what I want. I have enough voices in my head telling me what to do with my body, so I don’t need other people imposing their opinions on what I should be doing – that includes a boyfriend or girlfriend. And if there are readers out there who are like me? It’s okay to tell people you’re a virgin/abstaining because there’s no shame in having control over your body. Trust me, when you start telling people, you’ll find that there are more of us in the woodwork than the world would like us to believe. Not everybody is having sex. And if there’s pressure from friends for you to have it, just remember that you have the control, the intelligence, and the right to decide whether or not you have sex, whenever, and with whom.
– G
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“Mija, you know you can always come to me for anything. Especially when it comes to talking about sex. The day you have sex just please make sure it is with the right person”. These are the words my mother constantly repeated to me growing up. She had never had these types of conversations with my abuelita (grandmother), and as a result, became pregnant at a very young age. So, she vowed to be very open with me. Because of this, I grew up being comfortable talking about sex; I’m aware that this is not a common situation. My friends always found it strange because so many of them had never even let the word sex escape their mouth in front of their parents. However, my mother’s willingness to be open about sex cultivated a confidence in me. It told me it was ok to ask questions and seek answers from various sources, not just my peers. When I did become sexually active, I knew about my options: birth control, condom use, the plan b pill in case of emergency, etc. Deciding to have sex was two parts: I was growing impatient for the “right” person (I hadn’t wrapped my mind around what that meant) and, simply put, my hormones had a mind of their own…my primal brain was taking over. I am only human. Looking back now, it probably wasn’t the “right time” or even the “right person”, but there was comfort in knowing that I knew how to take care of myself and the resources available to me (this is why places like CARES are so important to the community). In present day, I’ve come to the conclusion that sex with the wrong person can be horrendous; sex with the right person, someone who respects the person you are and takes the necessary steps to make sure both people are protected from STD’s, is mind blowing.
-A