#LOVEISRESPECT
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February comes to an end, its time to recap on National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Abusive relationships have increased drastically in the last five years. It is estimated that 1 in 3 girls will have an abusive dating experience by the time she graduates from high school. Every nine seconds a teenager is battered by someone with whom she is in a relationship. A 2005 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that of 6,888 high school girls surveyed nationally, 1 in 11 had been hit, slapped or punched by an intimate partner. According to a Harvard study of 4,163 public high school girls in 2001, nearly 1 in 5 reported physical or sexual abuse in a relationship.
What is it?
Teen dating violence is defined in four parts. There is the physical aspect, the sexual aspect, the psychological aspect, and the emotional violence within a dating relationship. Violence is not always physical, it can be verbal words or forms of isolation.
Why does it happen?
Dating violence can come from insecurities, low self esteem, alcohol or drug abuse, peer pressure from peers, miscommunication between partners, managing emotions (anger or jealousy), or media influences. A lot of individuals that are the abusers in relationships grew up in homes where someone was domestically abused.
How can you prevent it?
According to the CDC, communicating with your partner, managing uncomfortable emotions like anger and jealousy, and treating others with respect are a few ways to keep relationships healthy and nonviolent.
Phase of Violence (The Honeymoon Phases)
PHASE 1: Pre-battering violence: verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats; increased tension, anger, blaming and arguing. When abusers hit or break objects or make threats, almost 100% resort to battering.
PHASE 2: Beginning levels: pushing, grabbing, restraining.
PHASE 3: Moderate levels : slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling hair.
PHASE 4: Severe levels : hitting, choking, beating with objects, use of weapons, and rape by intimidation, threat or force.
PHASE 5: Calm Stage: Abuser may deny or rationalize the violence, apologizing or promising not to repeat the abuse.(may decrease over time)
The progression of domestic violence may alternate from tension building, where the victim is walking on eggshells to avoid abuse, to the apologetic and remorseful abuser after a violent incident has taken place. Each relationship is different.
In most cases, victims majority of the time feel as if their the problem or the one to blame. THAT IS NOT THE CASE!
A Dating Violence Story:
I started dating a guy freshman year that I fell head over heels for. He took my virginity that year and I later found out he was cheating on me. I thought I could give him a second chance and he would change but that was a mistake. We dated off and on for three years because I though he was the best I could get. Through all the years though he became a heroin addict. He forced sex upon me all the time. Even in public places. When he would shoot up he would hurt me, choke me, hit me and would tell me if I didn’t do drugs with him he would put it in my arm for me. I never did them but he became more and more disrespectful and hurtful. He started to be come a huge threat in my life. In the end the outcome was a horrible heartbreak, a waste of three years and I later found out he cheated on me with over nine girls. He lied, was manipulative, very controlling and yet very sensitive, at least only for his own feelings. He always twisted things around and made it seem like my fault. A lot of girls stay in an abusive relationship because they have not met a good guy yet, they may be insecure and may not have a very good relationship with their fatherly figures. After being treated like crap for years I realized that I thought it was normal for a boyfriend to treat their girl like that. I would put up with so much in hopes he would change but I met a guy this last year who has treated me like a Queen, respects me and doesn’t lie to my face. He’s changed my whole point of view, making me realize I didn’t deserve a single thing that asshole did to me. I just hope more girls out there would realize that and not blame themselves. No girl deserves that hurtful betrayal. I have not had any contact with him for months and the last time I saw him he was on the side of the road panhandling. Karma’s a B**** but he deserves every last bit of it.His eyes, personality, physical appearance, just everything about him makes you smile and light up from the inside out. You love him and would do anything for him!That’s how I felt about my old boyfriend. Each day I would get up and check my phone right away to see if he texted me, all I wanted was to see him and always be around him. He made me feel like the girl with the nearly perfect boyfriend that the other girls were jealous of. He made me so happy that I would have dropped everything for him. Stupid, I know but love can make people do strange things.He asked one thing of me, just one, to not talk to or see my ex boyfriend. That same week my ex had come and talked to me, some people told my boyfriend before I could. I didn’t have the chance to explain to him that I told my ex boyfriend that we could not talk anymore and that I didn’t want to. My boyfriend felt angry and lied to, perhaps betrayed.
As time went by, I could just feel the cage walls closing in, the door shutting and hearing the “click” of a lock in my head. I lost all my friends, privacy, and so much more. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, not even my girlfriends I had for 11 years. My phone was checked to make sure I wasn’t talking to anyone but him and that no one was trying to talk to me. My facebook page was deactivated as well as my e-mail.
Everyday I had to tell him where I was on campus, and what class I was leaving or going to. All the people around me were saying that I shouldn’t let him do that, blaming him and telling me I need to get out of the situation before it got worse. But of course I just looked at the ground and walked away without a word. Having to isolate myself from everything hurt a lot, being alone every moment away from him, but the only reason I put up with it without protest was the minor thought of loosing him seemed ten times more arduous then being alone. When I tried to leave he knew how to pull me back in. I felt like I was just a chess piece in his mental game. I couldn’t tell anyone and tried not to show it but it was difficult.
In the end, he decided I was no longer needed and just cut off communication all together. Despite the pain I felt when I was trying my hardest to make him happy, being alone felt worse. I was as though each day grew darker and fare as more passed…
– Anonymous Teen
Megan is in an abusive relationship. Will it get better?
It Only Gets Worse (Domestic Violence Short Film)
Megan is stuck in an abusive relationship….Will she be able to leave before its too late? Subscribe and Follow: Website: http://terrybluez.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TerryBluezTV Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TerryBluezPage Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackgiftcreative/ https://www.instagram.com/terrybluez254/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TerryBluez Written & Directed by Terry Bluez Starring: Megan Garcia Kori Echeveste Terry Bluez Zack Lucero Make up by Kori Echveste
If You Know Someone Who Is Being Abused, Here Are Some Tips:
- Listen to them without judging
- Help them to realize that what is happening is not normal
- Help them to develop a safety plan
- If they are able to break off the relationship, continue to be supportive once they are alone
You can always seek help. If you or a friend, partner, or family member are victims of domestic abuse or any type of abuse feel free to dial the abuse hotline:
1−800−799−SAFE(7233)