POP This! – Sexy Relationships 2

The Youth Peer Educators were asked:

Do you feel that sex changes relationships?  If so or  if not, why?

I do feel that sex changes relationships.  When people who are looking for a serious relationship and have sex, they see it as more of a bond and begin to feel more comfortable expressing who they are around that person. When it comes to new relationships, there will still be a change on how one views one another.  Are they friends with benefits, a couple, or simply friends?  However it will end up it is unlikely that they would see each other the same way they did before they had sex.

–          EG

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I do think that sex changes relationships, but I can only speak from my point of view.  It’s an ancient metaphor; the perception that nakedness means vulnerability, that literally showing someone that you have no weapons means trust.  Our sexual lives are a separated, private world from our public ones.  We don’t get on the light rail and chat about our sexual preferences while flashing people the goods (well, most of us don’t anyway).

 For the different people in our lives ranging from stranger to acquaintance to best friend, we hand them different keys of access to ourselves – “Yes, you may ask me about the time,” “Yes, you may talk to me about my dog,” “Yes, you may come over to my house.”  So, when we’re just beginning to date someone and we give them that access to a side of us that is usually private saying, “Yes, you may see me naked,” that key definitely holds a different weight.  We hand it over thinking, “Hmm, okay I think I’ll trust you with this one.”

Now people have one-night stands all the time, people hook up with no drama, and that’s perfectly fine; I wouldn’t think sex changes too much for the connection between those parties (unless of course, every time you meet them you think, “I know what your moans sound like”).  But if the question is “Does sex change established relationships?” whether it be friendships or a budding office romance, I have to say I’m in the camp that thinks it does.  Then again, I could be watching too many movies and maybe in real life two friends have sex without anybody else knowing and they’re still just friends.

No, I don’t think that everybody holds their bodies and sexuality in some sort of “sacred, temple-like” way, nor do I think they have to in order to earn respect or self-respect.  Some people feel comfortable no matter what.  But bottom line is, consensual sex is something willingly shared between people and that negotiation of “I like you.  Will you let me…?” and “Yes please, I will allow you…” at least has the power to change connections, even if it doesn’t always.

–          GC

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In my experiences, when sex is the latter part of the relationship, my partner and I seem to become closer and create more of a bond with each other.  Maybe because we built a friendship before having sex and knowing that the person you are about to have sex with is someone you can trust.  Not knowing if the relationship is going to work because you have not gotten to know or trust the person yet can make the current relationship difficult.  I feel that when sex comes early in a relationship or before a committed relationship is established, it can cause some tension or confusion.

Whether you have meaningless sex, friends with benefits, or sex with someone you care about, either way, wrap it up!  🙂

-RG