Netflix and Chill 2

POP This! – The Youth Peer Educators were asked: What are your thoughts on Netflix and Chill? If you don’t want to have sex with someone, how did you or would you handle that?  

I feel like it’s okay to “Netflix and Chill” with someone you’re in a relationship with or seriously “talking to.” Many of us know, if you sit and watch a movie with your significant other then there’s a 7/10 chance that you guys will have intercourse during or after the movie – depending on how good the movie is.

If you don’t want to have sex with someone then you should let it be known from jump, before you go to that person’s house (or vice versa) and once again before the movie starts. From past experience, I told the person I didn’t want to do anything and he still decided to make a move. I simply made him feel dumb by saying, “You’re still not getting none!” and left because that’s obviously all that he wanted.

Even with having a significant other, you guys don’t have to “Netflix and Chill” each time you watch a movie. You can switch it up and Netflix and this ⇓

– Kamille

I usually don’t go to my guy friend’s house to have a Netflix movie night because I’m always paranoid that things might turn into a direction I don’t want to go. Most guys say you’re only friends, but then you’ll find out how they really feel once you’re all alone. If I have a suspicion that a guy I see as a genuine friend may have feelings for me, I would break the ice and say “this better be a movie night”. I’ll say it jokingly so they don’t become uncomfortable, just in case I jumped to conclusions.

In one situation it wasn’t much of a “Netflix and Chill”, but drive-ins and chill. We had been friends for over 6 years so when he asked to go to the movies I thought nothing of it because I’ve told him before that I don’t see him in another light than friends. During the movie he was getting touchy and I asked him to stop. Then he was trying to make me kiss him and that’s where the line was drawn. It’s important, no matter how close you may think you are, to make sure the guidelines are presented so things don’t become awkward.

My friend and I haven’t talked since that night. It’s been 3 1/2 years.

– Shazmine

The term “Netflix and Chill” has taken on an entirely new meaning. When someone asks, “would you like to Netflix and Chill?” it no longer means would you like to watch a movie and hang out, it’s really referring to having sex. This phrase became so popular in 2015; it made causal sex the thing to do. While this may seem like the norm from what we see on social media, if you are invited to “Netflix and Chill” and you don’t want to have sex, don’t be afraid to voice how you feel. That is a very important conversation that should happen PRIOR to going over to their house. If they respect you, they will surely respect your decision.

– Kaitlyn

When I was in high school it was almost a given that if a guy asked you to “chill” it was an open invitation to have sex with him. So when I first came across the term “Netflix and Chill’ it seemed that there had been an extension to that original calling. Watching a movie together is the most convenient and private way for young people to begin intimacy. The question is: is the desire mutual? Or is it similar to a guy inviting you over to “chill”. The common stereotype is that guys use Netflix and Chill as a gateway to sex. In some odd universe apparently a good movie or television series somehow waves your right to consent. Luckily, there is a quick and easy way out of that.

There are a few things to keep in mind if your idea of “let’s chill” actually consists of popcorn and movies:

1. Sex is consensual. In other words, if you do not want to have sex, you don’t have to. Don’t be afraid to explain to him that you did not come to have sex, because that’s not what he asked. Maybe next time he’ll be more direct and ask for what he wants.
2. YOU are responsible for YOU. Simply by accepting his invitation to come over and enjoy movies does not in any way mean you are entitled to conform to his desires and engage in sex or sexual activities. You are your own person and you should be looking out for the best interest of yourself. If you choose to abstain from sex then that is the final say. You are in charge of YOU.
3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communication is key with any interaction; therefore, don’t hesitate to be clear with your intentions. If you planned for Orange is the New Black and nachos, then bring the tortilla chips and ask him to provide the cheese. The easiest way to dismiss unwanted sexual advances during Netflix is to already establish what you want the time to look like. That way both of you can decide if you really want to chill in the beginning.

– Samone