POP This! – Partners Need To Be Tested Too! 2

The youth Peer Educators were asked:  What are good ways to convince your partner or future partner to get tested?

 In a day and age of rampant “hit it n’ quit it” activities, it is inevitable to raise an eyebrow about the STI/HIV status of a potential lover/ boo/sweet thang/partner/sancha(o), etc. Personally, I did not raise mine enough—Chlamydia became my roommate (queue song: Alicia Keys “That Girl is On Fire”). Lesson almost learned, because there are still times when I amaze myself at the risks I contemplate taking. Obviously, I have much, much growing to do.  So fellow peers, in an effort to put it out there for you and myself, do NOT back down when your partner raises an eyebrow back at you for asking them their status or asking them to get tested.

The following statements are all too common when trying to have the conversation: “You think I’m dirty?!”, “You don’t trust me?”, “I’m clean, I got tested last year.”, “I always wear a condom with other partners I’ve had, you are just an exception.”Riiight. Let’s be real with ourselves. Why do we trust/fall for such responses? Primal, you just want to “get it in” horniness? Blind, soul-consuming love? Whatever the rhyme or reason, there must be a point where peace of mind and mind-bending bliss can meet in the middle, where love of self and self-respect are priceless when compared to a couple minutes of instant, carnal, feelin’ good gratification; gratification whose consequences could mean living a lifetime with herpes or being HIV positive.

Good ways to convince a partner to get tested:

1. Create an incentive…please be creative 😉
2. Get tested together, make it a date
3.  Give your partner information for all testing sites (i.e. Cares Community Health)
4.  Make their appointment for them
5. Make it a deal breaker!

*P.S. It is not the best idea to attempt a conversation about status or testing while almost naked and in the midst of a hot n’ heavy moment – from my experience, it never goes well.

–          A

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 The conversation of using protection and getting tested is an easy one for me when I talk with any future partner of mine.  I feel like it’s a topic that shouldn’t be difficult because it deals with personal health, mutual trust, and communication.  Silence on something as important as this is the bane of a good relationship and for me, the conversation is not optional.

If my partner is averse to getting tested, I’d want to reassure him that it’s not because I think he’s being unfaithful or because I think he has an STD or HIV.  I’d tell him that I’d want both of us to get tested so we can both breathe easier, knowing that we wouldn’t have anything to worry about.  I’d go with him so we both could support each other and have that physical paper of assurance.  It’s also important to make known that yes, proof of my partner’s STD/HIV-free status is good knowledge for me, but BETTER knowledge for my partner; a significant amount of people don’t show any symptoms until very late, so having updated information about one’s own health is always a good thing.

 –          G

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I feel the best way to convince a partner or future partner to get tested is to just open up a conversation about sexual health and what are some proactive practices each person can take. This will allow each partner to gauge where the other person is coming from. This also sets the stage for each person in the relationship or partnership to state their boundaries, in a safe manner so there are less misunderstandings and confusions about what each person’s sexual wants and needs are. Throughout this heart -to-heart conversation you both will start to understand how each person feels about getting tested and any concerns they have about not knowing their status. This will create an opportunity to support each other and go together to get tested.

Remember that if your sexual health needs are not being met there is something that needs to be done – like getting tested. Do not give up good sexual health practices or safe sex practices for anyone, because at the end off the day you are the one who has deal with the consequences.

–          L